Posted 6:39 PM by Anonymous
I suppose a lot of whether you prefer IM or phone is a personality issue. For my sisters and me, were not raised to be as orally communicative so much as we were to be writers. (There was a lot of parental strife in our house.) So writing for us is often just as clear and easier than speaking, not that we don't do a lot of that now.

I have had a couple of problems with tone, but only here and there, and I admit that IM a lot (but I talk on the phone a lot too). If you work hard at it, and the other person's reading comprehension skills are good, I think often you can overcome tone problems, such as with zillions of annoying smileys and patience. It may just be that I'm still pretty shy on the phone and that my brain seems to work at a slower speed (think I'm a 200mhz), but writing suits me and thus typing things into cyberspace is one of my favorite means of communication.

I'm glad we're all different. Makes the world go round.

I don't ever worry about the things I say though as long as I know and trust the person, such as if it's a friend. (And I don't reveal private information to anyone else.) I know they won't print it and show it to someone--not only do they have better things to do, e've been through a lot together. And if someone is so bored that he hacks into my conversation and laughs, well then fine. Glad he got some amusement out of it. But Shellie, that's just my opinion.

On the topic of Joel's admission to doing some salacious things on the internet, I think this is a valid topic in our discussion of how we use cyberspace, and I'm ready to admit some stuff. What's life without a little honesty? Despite the fact that I will look extra super lame to you all, since I'm writing this at nine on Saturday night! (I'm nannying.) I have no desire to look at X rated sites, and after I tried a chat room (just a regular one) for the first time way back in like '95, I have no desire to spend time in those either.

Yet, as Lisa already knows because she helped me deal with my shock at myself back when I did this, for academic purposes I will admit to having had cybersex. I didn't go about it on purpose, but I got chatting with a "fan" of my humor columns (I'd never done something like that before), a really nice guy. I'm not easy to fool. I chatted with him several times and I was so impressed that he's just an outgoing, warmhearted guy at Michigan Tech who likes to talk to girls because they are pretty starved for females up there, and he was breaking up with a longtime girlfriend. As we chatted the subject come up, and I had been traumatically dumped not long before, and I was pretty stressed out. And life is short--I'll try anything legal and not too dangerous once. So I tried it, and I was pretty amazed. He's good at it. It ended up being a nice, bonding experience that I look back on with great fondness. Really. Not that I'd do it with anyone else though. I was pretty embarrased at first, and I would probably die if one of my sisters read this, but now I figure I've got much worse things to be embarrassed about. It was fun and life is short, and it was a chance to work on my writing skills!

Of course I would prefer a real live person. But when you are not ready to be hurt again, it's a safe way to try something new. He and I chat a couple of times a week (and of course we have repeated the crime a few times since), and it's nice to truly admit to someone how I am feeling on a particular day, even if that's not an "appropriate" way to feel. It is nice to be able to be fully honest with someone, at least one person in the world. So he's kind of like my reality buddy. I'm going to meet him over Spring Break and I'm looking forward to it.

I've written this too because I want your candid opinions and thoughts on why this is such a huge use of cyberspace. I want to write about the concept for my essay for this class. As I've asked around, I've found that it's hugely widespread, especially among the 18-year-old crowd. So let me know what you think, even if it's that I need a life! :)

Posted 6:03 PM by Dee Tremens
I used to be rather obscene (salacious?) on the net, as a novice what else would the net be for? am i wrong to be obscene? am i unethical?? more later.

Posted 7:19 PM by Anonymous
Okay, so paragraphs do show up on the web page. I'm done with the dumb commentary now, I promise. :)

Posted 7:15 PM by Anonymous
Hey, I had paragraphs in there--no fair. Sorry about the visual mess now.

Posted 7:15 PM by Anonymous
Since I was the one so pumped about this topic, I figure that I should break the intellectual ice and jump in. (That was a darn pompous thing to say, wasn't it?) I keep wanting to swear though, like I do in e-mail, so it's going to be hard to watch myself. :)

The concept of instant messaging fascinates me. I've had the deep, ultra-revealing conversations with friends that either broke though walls and allowed us to talk about things in person better, or the subject was never touched again at all. Either way, I found out things about myself and others across the miles. I consider those to be real experiences. I mostly communicate with friends and family, but I do have one buddy I've never met, a "fan" from one of my humor stories at Tech. He's actually one of my favorite people to chat with--he enthuses my writing, so I always chat with him before I have to write something funny. I'm going to meet him (in a public place of course, though I'm not a bit scared of him) over Spring Break. Would I want to "date" someone over the internet? Never. That's nuts unless you've met the person and they live far away. In which case it's still nuts. I did just have lunch with a "fan" last week, someone who I'd been e-mailing regularly since fall. He said, "I feel like I know so much about you, but I feel like I don't, too." It was a good experience though, not uncomfortable.

I'm also fascinated by the way that IM conversations can cover completely different topics that you usually talk about on the phone, in person, or even in e-mail. I have an old friend in DC now who in e-mails writes in the most flowery style possible. I ask questions, but I can never get out of her where she's living or how her job is--anything practical is to mundane for her literary writing. But in IM conversations, she is as straightforward as anyone else.

But it's also been a great way to get to know my cousins in another state. I'm not much of a phone person anyway, and the convenience of knowing that the other person has signed in because she has time to talk is great; it's not interrupting. They are all in high school/elementary school, and I've even helped a couple of them with their writing skills based on their IM writing. It's also good writing practice for them, I think. And they've told me in person about the way that my advice changed a situation or perspective--that is a very real outcome.

Despite Bill's objections, I'm grateful for this way to communicate. Sure, we'd rather see eachother in person, but sometimes we can't and IM is a good alternative. One of my favorite IM moments occurred last year when my sister Suzy was up at Michigan Tech and I was in my room in Lapeer and we watched the Olympics together. It's tradition for us all to sit around and watch figure skating, particularly women's, and it was really neat to be able to feel like I was watching it with Suzy. We kept passing comments (occasionally spiteful as they were:) through the hours, and eventually picked up the phone and discussed it, but there's no way we would have stayed on the phone the entire time. Sure, it sounds hokey, but we both enjoyed it and it felt like we were together. It was definitely a mutual experience that we've talked about a lot.

I've rambled plenty, but I just wanted to get the thoughts going. I'll do some searches and see what I can come up with for next time. Anyone have any thoughts on this?